"Jadi lo kapan nikah?"
If that Bahasa Indonesia quote translated into English, it will be "when will you marry?". In Indonesia, it's no surprise that it's pretty common question especially if you're 20s or about to graduate from college. It's a pretty annoying question for some people because among all the questions people could ask, why does asking about marriage is their top list questions? Some people say that by asking that question is the same with invading someone's privacy, some people say that it gives them more pressure to marry as soon as possible especially for those who single, and some people say that they seem less valuable if they don't marry really soon no matter how much achievements they have. Yeah, be "less valuable" is the most common reason and this is what I concern in this post.
Yeah, there is some culture in Indonesia I really critical of, one of them is getting married as soon as possible. Marriage in Indonesia is something like it's a life goal that everyone should be fighting for, like no matter how many achievements you have, it's incomplete if you are not married. There are many people say "She's pretty. Unfortunately, she hasn't married yet", "He travels a lot. Unfortunately, he hasn't married yet", "She's the top singer of the year. Unfortunately, she hasn't married yet", "His business is already reaching its success. Unfortunately, he hasn't married yet", and the list is fucking endless. Just insert any kind of achievement in a sentence and end it up with "unfortunately, she/he hasn't married yet". Dear people out there, there's no correlation between the achievements and marriage. And do you think being married makes you a better person compared to someone who doesn't?
What makes it worse is sometimes women have a bigger pressure than men, and society gives women some kind of time-range of 'ideal age' to marry. And there's a big failure for women who pass that time-range. And what makes it unfair is men have no age limitation towards marriage. Some people say that women need to marry as soon as possible because they need to give birth as young as possible. Some people say that the older the women are, the more men have no interest to date them. What infuriates me is society seems like giving an 'expiry date' for women and women need to chase the 'buyer' before the 'expiry date'. It makes me thinking that people see marriage just like a race, like there's a finish line and people have to run as fast as possible and if you didn't make it to the finish line, you're a failure. I have to remind you that not everybody wants and READY to have a kid, and the value of people is not based on their age.
Some people in Indonesia still thinking that marriage is the ultimate solution. What puzzled me is what kind of solution? Many couples end up making problems that never exist in the first place because of marriage. Indonesia has a high number of child marriage and divorcement. And what makes it hilarious is the reason they do child marriage mostly about to increase their economic status. How can it be possible to increase the economic status when they have to sacrifice their education and starting to marry without any job or income? And what makes me furious is how these couples dare to have kids in a situation like that. Don't ask me how they feed or educate their kids, I don't want to know even more.
In Indonesia, some people still thinking that women have to sacrifice their career in order to marry someone. Some people say that no matter how many achievements a woman has, their main role is to taking care the kids and staying at home. Some people still thinking that a woman has to downgrade herself so that a man wouldn't be intimidated by her, and a woman has to obey what her husband says. I disagree with this. Only insecure men who are intimidated by the smart women, and if you have a boyfriend who is supporting you through ups and downs and let you shine so bright, keep him. Some people still thinking that marriage is an ultimate solution for the women so that they don't have to work anymore, just let the husband do the career. In Indonesia, many women don't want to divorce their husband because they're financially dependent on their husband. Dear women out there, I suggest that you think again if you want to sacrifice your career or make a Plan B so that you would have the power to leave your shitty husband soon.
There's a hilarious yet annoying campaign on Instagram that persuades people to marry as young as possible to ultimately avoid zinah. The people behind the campaign spreading the campaign that dating is sinful and you will end up in flaming hell so the ultimate solution is getting married. The sooner the couple marry, the better couple they would be because they are 'halal'. Dear the people behind that campaign, do you think dating is only about holding hands, kissing, and having sex? And by spreading that campaign make you a holy person? I was giggle when I knew that because for me marriage is more than that. It's about lifetime commitment and a huge decision.
Yeah, there is some culture in Indonesia I really critical of, one of them is getting married as soon as possible. Marriage in Indonesia is something like it's a life goal that everyone should be fighting for, like no matter how many achievements you have, it's incomplete if you are not married. There are many people say "She's pretty. Unfortunately, she hasn't married yet", "He travels a lot. Unfortunately, he hasn't married yet", "She's the top singer of the year. Unfortunately, she hasn't married yet", "His business is already reaching its success. Unfortunately, he hasn't married yet", and the list is fucking endless. Just insert any kind of achievement in a sentence and end it up with "unfortunately, she/he hasn't married yet". Dear people out there, there's no correlation between the achievements and marriage. And do you think being married makes you a better person compared to someone who doesn't?
What makes it worse is sometimes women have a bigger pressure than men, and society gives women some kind of time-range of 'ideal age' to marry. And there's a big failure for women who pass that time-range. And what makes it unfair is men have no age limitation towards marriage. Some people say that women need to marry as soon as possible because they need to give birth as young as possible. Some people say that the older the women are, the more men have no interest to date them. What infuriates me is society seems like giving an 'expiry date' for women and women need to chase the 'buyer' before the 'expiry date'. It makes me thinking that people see marriage just like a race, like there's a finish line and people have to run as fast as possible and if you didn't make it to the finish line, you're a failure. I have to remind you that not everybody wants and READY to have a kid, and the value of people is not based on their age.
Some people in Indonesia still thinking that marriage is the ultimate solution. What puzzled me is what kind of solution? Many couples end up making problems that never exist in the first place because of marriage. Indonesia has a high number of child marriage and divorcement. And what makes it hilarious is the reason they do child marriage mostly about to increase their economic status. How can it be possible to increase the economic status when they have to sacrifice their education and starting to marry without any job or income? And what makes me furious is how these couples dare to have kids in a situation like that. Don't ask me how they feed or educate their kids, I don't want to know even more.
In Indonesia, some people still thinking that women have to sacrifice their career in order to marry someone. Some people say that no matter how many achievements a woman has, their main role is to taking care the kids and staying at home. Some people still thinking that a woman has to downgrade herself so that a man wouldn't be intimidated by her, and a woman has to obey what her husband says. I disagree with this. Only insecure men who are intimidated by the smart women, and if you have a boyfriend who is supporting you through ups and downs and let you shine so bright, keep him. Some people still thinking that marriage is an ultimate solution for the women so that they don't have to work anymore, just let the husband do the career. In Indonesia, many women don't want to divorce their husband because they're financially dependent on their husband. Dear women out there, I suggest that you think again if you want to sacrifice your career or make a Plan B so that you would have the power to leave your shitty husband soon.
There's a hilarious yet annoying campaign on Instagram that persuades people to marry as young as possible to ultimately avoid zinah. The people behind the campaign spreading the campaign that dating is sinful and you will end up in flaming hell so the ultimate solution is getting married. The sooner the couple marry, the better couple they would be because they are 'halal'. Dear the people behind that campaign, do you think dating is only about holding hands, kissing, and having sex? And by spreading that campaign make you a holy person? I was giggle when I knew that because for me marriage is more than that. It's about lifetime commitment and a huge decision.
I remember when I was gathering with my high school friends, one of my friends asked me what I would do after graduation. I said that I would be working as an interior designer, met clients from various backgrounds, traveled, volunteered to any kind of event, established a clothing-line or culinary business, and many more. I said that my top priority was to be independent both mentally and financially so that I would no longer rely on my parents. Knowing that marriage wasn't my top priority was surprised them. They said that if I were too focused on my dream, no man would want to marry me because it would intimidate them, and it was my turn to surprised. And I said to them that I have no interest in a man who was intimidated by me, and someone who loved me was someone who with me through ups and downs including reaching my dreams.
Well, I just realized that this is such a long post, lol. Too much emotion in this post and I guess I need to stop here. It's been so long I want to write this down publicly, hope this could open up people's mind.
Well, I just realized that this is such a long post, lol. Too much emotion in this post and I guess I need to stop here. It's been so long I want to write this down publicly, hope this could open up people's mind.
